Abortion, they say, affects your mental health. But does abortion affect your emotional and spiritual health as well?
Before I begin my story, I realize abortion is a sensitive subject and will trigger emotions, especially in those that have experienced abortion/s in one way or another. That's why I spent many hours writing this article, getting a family member to review it, and praying over it before releasing it. That's also why I chose the words "some & most" and didn't use the word "all." Because each of us has different stories and different experiences. No two are alike.
Reading the latest news about the overturn of Roe vs. Wade grieves my heart on different levels. Here's why.
Some have not experienced an abortion but are living to express their personal opinions strongly. Others have experienced an abortion (in one way or another) and still carry the residue of pain from it. Then some choose not to say anything at all for reasons unknown. But whatever your individual beliefs are, most fail to realize the after-affects of abortion not only physically & mentally but also emotionally and spiritually.
As for my experience, I chose an abortion in the mid-80s. A choice that was illegal in my state of Missouri, but I crossed the state line to Kansas, where it was legal.
I mentally justified my choice in a zillion ways...
- I was a young single mom with two kids & couldn't afford another.
- The father of our child already had a girlfriend.
- I managed a gym & worked hard to get my shape back after the first two pregnancies. (I know, a silly excuse but true).
- It was cheap and easy. About $400 plus and was back to work the same day.
- Plus, I thought this unwanted pregnancy would ruin my reputation as a Christian.
- I just wanted to put it behind me and get on with my life. So I thought.
- etc., etc., etc.,
But the biggest lie I believed was when the Dr clicked off the machine and said, "It's finished." He said there would be physical discomfort for a few days. But he failed to mention the after-effects mentally, emotionally, & spiritually that would leave a residue of loss and pain in pockets of my heart. The result? Shame and guilt overshadowed many areas of my life mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for years to come. 16, to be exact.
I walked out of that Kansas clinic that day not carrying a child but carrying a lie (along with pain) that grew for 16yrs. Until one day, on the mission field, during a time of preparing to lead a women's weekend fasting retreat, out of the blue, I heard a still small voice asking me...
"Do you want to meet her?".
This was yet another opportunity to make a choice, and I did. What followed that question was a profound encounter of healing that continues to grow today. That day I opened my heart, trusted in that still, small voice, and made a choice. A choice that brings healing to my heart and continues to do so each time I share my story.
It was a monumental day I will never forget! It had been 16 yrs since the abortion, and this momma's heart knew my precious little baby was not only a girl, but it was without a doubt a celebration for her Sweet 16! I experienced God's insurmountable healing grace flood my heart in the most unique and beautiful way that day!
I have shared my story in many countries around the world. Abortion is widespread. I am forever grateful for my healing and pray that somehow among all the upheaval around us, my story births hope into your heart today.